- In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God
got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
- Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals
come on to in pears.
- Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a
ball of fire by night.
- The Jews were a proud people and throughout
history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.
- Samson was a strong man who let himself be led
astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.
- Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of
the Apostles.
- Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they
made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.
- The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.
Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.
- The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to
eat the apple.
- The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit
adultery.
- Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then
Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
- The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua
told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
- David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing
the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, race of people who lived in
Biblical times.
- Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and
700 porcupines.
- When Mary heard that she was the mother of
Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
- When the three wise guys from the East side
arrived, they found Jesus in the manager
- Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate
contraption.
- St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his
head.
- Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to
do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, "a man doth not live by
sweat alone."
- It was a
miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off
the entrance.
- The people who followed the Lord were called the
12 decibels.
- The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
- One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was
also a taximan.
- St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached
holy acrimony, which is another
name for marriage.
- Christians have only
one spouse. This is called monotony.
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